eBay
by Moonspun Dragon
Summary: Based on "eBay" by "Wierd Al" Yankovic. I couldn't resist. Drabble- ish.
1. A Used Pink Bathrobe

A/N: I had found a song entitled _Ebay_ by Wierd Al and I just had to write this. Enjoy! :D

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Chapter 1 : _A Used Pink Bathrobe_

"Uh, Sherlock, what is that?"

"A robe, John. I thought it obvious even to you."

"Yeah, I know what it is. Why are you wearing it?"

"It's a back up. I accidentally burned my old one in an experiment."

"But it's... _pink_!"

"Well, at least you're not color blind."

"Where did you get it? It looks old."

"That's because I bought it from someone who was selling it. Really, John, your eye sight is beginning to worry me."

End of Chapter 1

A/N: This is my first drabble. I would like to know how I did and how you liked it. More is on the way. I hoped you enjoyed. :D


	2. A Rare Mint Snowglobe

A/N: I would like to say that this drabble does not follow any time line, except that this chapter takes place after the last chapter and the next chapter will take place after this one, and so on. Enjoy! :D

Disclaimer: I own nothing. 'Cept this idea. And the story. XDDD

Chapter 2:_A Rare Mint Snow Globe_

"Happy Birthday, John."

John looked at the professionally wrapped box his flatmate had handed to him, suspiciously. "It's not a body part, is it?"

Sherlock assumed a hurt expression. "Really, John, Would I actually do that to you?"

John raised an eyebrow. "Yes, yes you would. In a heartbeat."

Sherlock looked at him, insulted. "Shut up and open it."

John started to hesitantly unwrap the box, still mindful that that Sherlock had never answered his question. Once he had the paper off, he opened the lid and blinked. Inside was not an extra body part, contaminated food, or anything that Sherlock would want, but a snow globe.

John looked up from the box and looked at Sherlock, who's brilliant blue eyes were lit up like a child's. "A snow globe?"

"Not just 'a snowglobe', John, but a _rare mint _snow globe."

John groaned softly.

End of Chapter 2

A/N: I hope you enjoyed. :D


	3. A  Smurf  TV  Tray

A/N: Okay, I'm bored. The only reason why I'm posting twice in one day. That and I'm almost done with this. In future chapters I kinda edit the lyrics, because I don't really have an idea for them, or I don't know how to write it. I'm gonna state this here: Sherlock is between cases and he's bored. He's, also, OOC. So is John, I think. Anyway, enjoy. :D

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Chapter 3: _A Smurf TV Tray_

"John, what is a Smurf?"

John looked away from the tell and at his friend, who was staring at his netbook screen pretty intensely. "A Smurf is a character on a cartoon." He returned his attention to his own screen.

* * *

><p><span>A week later<span>

"Sherlock, how did we get a tray shaped like a Smurf?"

"I bought it off Ebay."

End of Chapter 3

A/N: I hope you enjoyed. :D


	4. This Crap

A/N: This chapter is shorter, but I will post the next chapter, as well, today. This chapter, next chapter, and Chapter 6 will be going together. Enjoy. :D

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Chapter 4: _This Crap_

"But, John, I'm bored. There is nothing the least bit interesting going on. When Lestrade does come, he brings cases that even a three- year- old can solve."

John continued to glare at his sulking friend. "Sherlock, for one thing, I'm surprised you haven't maxed out your card. For another, we don't have any more room for all this crap." With that, John turned on his heel and headed for the living room door. He stopped, his hand resting on the knob and said over his shoulder. "Call Mycroft."

He managed to close the door in time to deflect the pillow that was aimed at his head.

End of Chapter 4

A/N: As I stated before: There will be another chapter posted today. This one was just too short. I'm going to tell you the next chapter's title _Bubble wrap_. ;D Ihope you enjoyed. :D


	5. Bubble Wrap

A/N: This is, obviously, the fifth chapter. Enjoy! :D

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Chapter 5: _Bubble-wrap_

**POP**

**POP**

**POP**

(five second silence)

**Popopopopopopopopopop-**

"_Sherlock_!"

"What?"

"Do you really have to do that right now?"

"Obviously." **POP!**

"Do you mind? I'm trying to update my blog, you know."

Sherlock smirked. "Of course I don't mind."

"Thank you," John sighed in relief.

* * *

><p><em><span>Five minutes later<span>_

"SHERLOCK!"

"What?"

"I thought I asked you to stop!"

"What you asked was 'Do you mind?' I said, 'I didn't.'"

John stared at Sherlock, stunned, "I was asking you to stop."

Sherlock grinned evilly. "I thought you were asking me if I didn't mind the popping."

John had the sudden urge to bang his head on a wall.

End of Chapter 5

A/N: This is a conversation I had with my mom plenty of times after I spent the whole day popping bubble wrap. Bubble wrap is so fun! It has multiple functions.

(1) It keeps breakables from breaking.

(2) It's so fun to pop. And,

(3) You can annoy people with it, which is fun in and of itself. XDDD

I hope you enjoyed. :D


	6. Most Everyday

A/N: I've decided to complete the "Bubble- wrap Arc" today. You guys are so lucky. Enjoy! :D

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Chapter 6: _Most Everyday_

John sat on the edge of his bed and yawned. It had been a long day and he was exhausted. He fell asleep as soon as his head hit his pillow.

The next day, his alarm started to blare. John groaned, rolled over, and attempted to slap the snooze button. He opened his eyes and saw that bubble- wrap was strewn all around his room. He looked down at himself and saw that Sherlock, not only decorated his room, but wrapped layers of the thrice- cursed stuff around John, as well.

"SHERLOCK!"

End of Chapter 6

A/N: * shakes head* Sherlock can be such a child when he's not working. Btw, there are yards, and yards, and, yards of bubble- wrap lying around the flat. I hope you enjoyed! :D


	7. Another Pet Rock

A/N: Enjoy! :D

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Except a copy of the DVD I just got as a beleated birthday present. *dances happily*

Chapter 7: _Tell Me Why_

Sherlock looked at his collection in satisfaction.

"Sherlock," John asked as he entered the living room. "Tell me why you need another rock."

Sherlock turned around and glared at John. "It's not another rock. I need another pet rock because of an experiment."

John stared at him as if Sherlock was growing another head. "Uh- huuh. And you, naturally, couldn't be bothered to walk outside and pick one up off the ground. Since it's free."

Sherlock glanced outside and surppressed a shudder. "They aren't the right species."

"Riiight. I'm going for a walk, then," John said turning around.

Once he was outside and out of sight of the building, John called Lestrade. "It's John. I seriously need you to tell me that you have a nice, long, complex case... I would definitely call it an emergency. Sherlock's cracking."

End of Chapter 7

A/N: Yup. That's chapter 7. I hope you enjoyed. :D


	8. Slightly Damaged Golf Bag

A/N: This is another short chapter. Enjoy! :D

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Chapter 8: _Slightly Damaged Golf Bag_

"Uh, Sherlock, mind telling me why we got a notice in the mail that a golf bag is on it's way, since neither of us play golf?"

Sherlock looked up from Yorick and said, "It's on it's way? Good. About time."

John raised an eyebrow. "Why did you buy a less- than- perfect golf bag?"

"I need to conduct an experiment on it. A chemical compound to see if it can erase the scratches and small tears in the fabric."

John just rolled his eyes.

End of Chapter 8

A/N: I'm sorry I didn't update sooner. Life has been hectic lately. I'm still working on the next chapter and will post it as soon as I can. I hope you enjoyed. :D


	9. Beanie Babies

A/N: This is the next chapter. Oh, yeah, I keep forgetting to mention that these scenarios are unrelated. They happen at separate times. You guys get a longer chapter. Enjoy! :D

Disclaimer: I own nothing. 'Cept a copy of the DVD.

Chapter 9: _Beanie Babies_

**BANG!**

**BANG!**

Sherlock sighed, looked at his handiwork, raised the gun again and fired.

**BANG!**

He was bored. John was at work. Mrs. Hudson was visiting her sister, who was ill. The London criminals were unusually quiet lately. Mycroft was being annoyingly boring as usual. So everything was quiet, dull, boring. How he hated the quiet and the peace.

Sherlock rolled his head so he was facing the fireplace. He lifted his left arm, aimed the gun he held at the wall and fired again.

**BANG!**

He dropped the gun on the floor, finally bored with his target practise, and lazily scanned the room to see if there was something he could blow up.

At first glance, Sherlock didn't see anything useful, but, then, something brightly colored on the bookshelves caught and held his attention. He stared at it from where he was on the couch, trying to figure out what it was. Finally, Sherlock's curiousity grew to be too much, so he stood and went to it.

Whatever it was, was shaped like a bird. It had a white body, grey beak and feet, and bright pink feathers on the top of it's head. It's wings were shapeless, like a penguin's. a bright red tag, trimmed in gold, with the white letters TY in the center of the tag, hung off the bird's left wing.

Sherlock lifted the tag and read:

"KuKu the Cockatoo,

This fancy bird loves to converse  
>He talks in poems, rhythms, and verse<br>So take him and give him some time  
>You'll be surprised how he can ryhme!"<p>

Sherlock raised an eyebrow and looked at the, _Thing_, again.

The bird wasn't stuffed with stuffing, but something small and lumpy, but not unpleasantly so. _Beans_, his mind told him. He looked at the Thing's tag again and mouthed, "Beanie Baby."

_What's a Beanie Baby? _he asked himself. _What is it's purpose?_

Sherlock stood there staring at KuKu with his grey- blue eyes narrowed in thought, studying the bird.

He abruptly turned, still holding KuKu, and headed for his chemistry set.

* * *

><p><em>Two hours later<em>

**BANG!**

**BANG!**

(a thump followed by a groan)

John ran up the stairs and threw open the sitting room door, just in time to see something flying through the air and landing a foot in front of the couch.

**BANG!**

"SHERLOCK!"

The black haired man lowered his borrowed gun and blinked at his flatmate. "What?"

John's gaze flickered to the item unfortunate to be Sherlock"s target practise. "Why are you using a... Beanie Baby?... for target practise?"

"An experiment. I was bored."

John huffed. "Yes, the Great Sherlock Holmes, was bored and therefore can tear up everything he wants. For the sake of an experiment!"

Sherlock gave him a bright smile. "Now you are getting it, John."

End of Chapter 9

A/N: *shakes head* Ah, that Sherlock. :D And I would like to say, thank you for the lovely reviews and favourites. If you have any suggestions about the lyrics that I skipped, please say so either in the reviews or pm me. Thank you. I hope you guys enjoyed. :D


	10. Norway

A/N: Hi, guys! I'm still working on your prompts, but they are almost finished, and they'll be up shortly, I hope. ^_^ Anyway, this is another long- ish chapter. Seriously, I think the chapters are sick of being around drabble size. :)) Enjoy! :D

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Chapter 10: _Norway_

"Sherlock, who is Sigerson?"

"Hmm? Oh, a Norwegian, who's a widower and who's two children left home."

"You know him?"

"Never met him."

"O- O- Okay, then how do you know that about his wife and kids?"

"His wife wouldn't have let him get rid of their children's favourite toys even if the kids didn't want them, which they don't and they did give their permission. If she had left him, then she would have made sure she took the toys with her, for sentimental reasons."

"What about the kids moving away?"

"Two of the toys he is selling were childhood favourites of the two. The obvious that there are two, brother and sister, to be exact, is the choice in favourites. The brother loved the spider. His sister loved the cat. The damages done to the respective toys suggest that they were done around the same time."

"Wait... these are _Beanie Babies_!"

"Good you're beginning to grasp the obvious!"

"Sherlock, What are you going to do to the Beanie Babies?"

"... It's better if you didn't know, Doctor."

End of Chapter 10

A/N: The chapter was longer than I expected. :D Please forgive me for not updating sooner. My writing inspiration, in general, has been waning. So I'm sorry for the delay. I hope you enjoyed. :D


	11. Sniping

A/N: Yay! Another chapter so soon! :D I admit that some of my creative juices drained and I thought I wouldn't be coming up with Chapter 11 so quickly, but almost as soon as signed off for the night, this situation came into my head. For those of you who submitted plots I'm still working on them and probably will be posting them soon. Enjoy! :D

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Chapter 11: Sniping

John looked at the clock. There were only ten seconds left. He is currently the highest bidder. He knew he had won.

_Five seconds..._

If he had won, then why was he so nervous?

_Three seconds..._

_Two seconds..._

John blinked as he saw another bid, that was higher than his own, came up.

_One second..._

_The bidding is now over._

John's mouth dropped as he saw the screen name.

_The Great Detective._

"SHERLOCK!"

End of Chapter 11

A/N: *winces* Ooh, Sherlock's in trouble! Anyway, I hope you enjoyed! :D


	12. Another Pet Rock II

A/N: Hi! I'm back and I'm sorry for the long wait. My original idea for this part was kind of bleak, so I decided to use one of the suggested prompts. And I'm thinking of a third installment, because this was kind of fun to write and I have another idea on another situation for the "Pet Rock" arc. This is for AssassinOfRome. Enjoy! :D

Dissclaimer: I own nothing.

Chapter 12: _Another Pet Rock II_

"Then why would she go over there and not toward the door?"

John raised his head from his food and looked at his flatmate, who was seemingly talking to himself. "Uh, Sherlock, who are you talking to?"

Sherlock looked up from his lap and glared at John across the table. "Not to you," he said, in a tone that should have made that question obvious.

John, who was used to such things, raised an eyebrow. "Then to whom?"

For a moment, Sherlock intensified his glare, then looked away completely and down at his lap. "Toby," he murmured.

John was about to ask, when Sherlock placed something on the table. John stared at the innocent- looking rock, wondering if he should call a mental doctor and schedule sherlock for an appointment.

"Don't stare at Toby like that. He doesn't like it!" Sherlock said, grabbing the rock and holding it protectively to his chest.

John groaned, propped his elbow and facepalmed. "'He,' Sherlock?" John asked, his voice was slightly muffled. "The rock is a 'he' named 'Toby.'" John giggled once, bordering on hysteria, and muttered, "Yeah, I'm definitely making that appointment." Louder, he said, "Not again, Sherlock, please!"

"Well, I had to replace Steve after you threw him out into the cold cruel world all by his self."

John lifted his head, took one look in his friend's serious blue- grey eyes and started laughing. The hysterical edge that was in his earlier giggle was in full force.

_I'll probably make one for myself while I'm at it,_ John thought.

End of Chapter 12

A/N: This is the sequel to "Another Pet Rock" in case you didn't notice. :p Steve is the rock Sherlock had in that installment. ;) I hope you enjoyed! :D


	13. Chapter 13: Payment

A/N: *gasps* Wow! Can it be!? I'm finally updating!? Yes, I am. I had finally finished writing this a couple months ago and only finished typing it up a few days ago. I know, I know I'm lazy. :p I apologize so much for the long wait and I'm pretty sure all those who have read this have lost all interest in this. To show how sorry I am, I'm gonna be posting the rest of the chapters all at once. And be warned, in case you haven't noticed, these are pretty much crack. :p Anyway, enjoy.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Chapter 13: _Payment_

Sherlock smiled triumphantly as the words, _You are the winner!, _flashed across the screen. He contacted the seller and asked, _How would you like to receive payment? Paypal or Visa?_

The reply was almost immediate. _Whatever works for you. Just so long you've got the money._

_Oh, I've got it, _Sherlock sent back. He closed the window and entered the payment options.

End of Chapter 13

A/N: I know it's short, but more is coming. :D I hope you enjoyed. Please review. :D


	14. Chapter 14: Crap

A/N: There are only two more chapters to go after this one. ;) Enjoy. :D

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Chapter 14: _Crap_

John wearily climbed up the stairs to the sitting room at 221b. It was late and had been a long day at the clinic. The most recent outbreak of the flu was threatening to become an epidemic and there had been a lot of people throwing up. He really hoped Sherlock was out on a case.

Just as he was thinking that, the door to the sitting room opened. It was the only warning John got before an object flew past his him.

_What the-?_ John thought, then bent to pick the object up… Just as another object flew through the spot his head had been. The crash that followed testified that the latest object was metal.

John twisted to get a better look. By the stainless steel side, it had been a toaster. He straightened and started running up the stairs.

He slowed to a fast walk and ducked again just as what appeared to be an ashtray hurled through the air and shattered against the wall.

"Sherlock, what the _he-_!?" John stopped himself when he, finally, took in the scene in front of him.

Sherlock was peeking out from behind John's armchair, hefting something that looked to be a lunchbox. Meanwhile across from him, Mycroft had his umbrella opened in front of him to be used as a shield, and was, currently, posed to throw what looked to be a rolled up poster. At John's intrusion, however, the brothers froze and just stared at him. For his part, John stared back.

"Hello, Dr. Watson," Mycroft finally greeted, lowering the poster.

Sherlock stood from behind his hiding place. "John, I thought you would have been later."

"What may I ask is going on?" John asked, his voice steadier than one might think.

"Nothing," Sherlock replied. "Just showing Mycroft that my stuff is not crap."

John shifted his gaze to Mycroft, who uncharacteristically shifted his weight, then nodded once. "Then try not to damage the walls, or else Mrs. Hudson will up the rent. Again."

With that, he turned and left, closing the door behind him.

In the sitting room, there was a monetary pause before Mycroft picked up the poster and flung it at Sherlock. The war resumed.

End of Chapter 14

A/N: *shakes head* And we all thought Mycroft was the more mature one. :p I hope you enjoyed. Please review. :D


	15. Chapter 15: Vintage Tube Socks

A/N: This is for LadyoftheLake13. I'm so incredibly sorry it took me this long to get inspired and I'm pretty sure this is different than how you thought it would be, but I hope you like it. :D In this chap, a special guest appears. :) Enjoy. :D

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Chapter 15: _Vintage Tube Socks_

"Sherlock, will you just hurry up?"

"You cannot rush art, John."

"Sherlock, this isn't art. This is… a prank!"

"No. Vengeance."

John gave a silent sigh and prayed that the person on the receiving end of this prank wouldn't wake up. If he did, there would be no doubt that he would kill them this time.

"Sherlock, I think his guards are about to come back."

Sherlock merely grinned. "We'll be long gone when they do. Now, be quiet and hand me another strip."

John sighed silently again, then took the last strip of tape off his gloved finger. He breathed a sigh of relief as he heard Sherlock's whispered, "There!"

There was a dull flash that signaled a picture being taken. Job done, Sherlock turned around and made for their exit, John hot on his heels.

They had barely made it to a safe area before the alarm was raised.

* * *

><p><span><em>The next morning<em>

"Have you sent the message, yet, Sherlock?"

"Yes."

John rushed to stand behind his friend to look over his shoulder. Sherlock, knowing what the doctor wanted to see, had already pulled up his Facebook page.

There, being used as his banner, was a picture of a man sleeping in teddy bear pajamas and wearing long, shapeless, white tube socks on his nose and on either side of his head. The ones on his head were posed like a rabbit's ears.

John collapsed in laughter and Sherlock stared at the picture with undisguised pride. The man in the picture being none other than Jim Moriarty.

"That should be sufficient payback for the _princess_," Sherlock's lip curled in disgust, "fiasco he caused last month."

The memory of a picture of a rarely- sleeping Sherlock wearing a pink tutu complete with a cheap plastic tiara that was silver and encrusted with plastic jewels and pink feathery… stuff lining the bottom on his head and a fake silvery plastic jewel encrusted wand resting on his chest, didn't help John's severe case of laughter. This merely caused Sherlock to give John a murderous glare.

It was a good few minutes before he could calm himself, even then he was still giggling, to say, "At least we have firm proof that Donovan and Anderson are Moriarty's agents," he the tears of laughter off his face, but paused when he saw an evil grin forming on Sherlock's face. "Sherlock? Please tell me we are not-?"

"You don't have to have any part of it, John."

"I'd better. You'll need to have someone to hold you back."

Sherlock smirked.

End of Chapter 15

A/N: Yay, a longer chapter! ^_^ I hope you enjoyed. Please review. :D


	16. Chapter 16: Stuff You Throw Away

A/N: Final chapter. Thank you all for being patient. To everyone who review way back when, thanks so much! I appreciate your support as well as to those who favorited/alert. Thank you again. :D Please enjoy this final chapter.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Chapter 16: _Stuff You Throw Away_

When John came home from the store, he heard something that made him suspicious. It had taken him a bit to notice it, but when he did, it was on the verge of unnerving him. Silence. Absolutely, dead, golden, precious, beautiful silence.

This was not good.

John, cautiously, made his way up the stairs. Something was terribly wrong, he just knew it. He prepared himself for the worst as he opened the sitting room door. He was prepared for almost anything, except a sulking Sherlock and a very clean sitting room. Very clean meaning the junk Sherlock had been collecting over the past year had disappeared.

"What-?"

"Mrs. Hudson," Sherlock spat.

John nodded in understanding as he looked around again. "So every-?"

"Yes. Including Toby."

John nodded again, then moved off into the kitchen to put the groceries up in relatively safe places, relieved that Mrs. Hudson had seen sense and disposed of the junk Sherlock had stubbornly bought. However, when his eye caught the empty spot where Toby the Pet Rock had once sat, he couldn't help his eyes welling with tears.

_Allergies,_ John claimed as he forced himself to move on.

The lie was feeble even to himself.

End


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